


it comes back to you

by listenup_folks



Category: fifth harmony - Fandom
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-05-13 05:10:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14742585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/listenup_folks/pseuds/listenup_folks
Summary: Lauren makes Camila believe in soulmates





	it comes back to you

**Author's Note:**

> Wattpad @ longerr_hours 
> 
> As always lmk what you think, check out my other work

(2012)

Camila meets Lauren and she wishes she knew her life would never be the same. 

(2013)

"Camz get off," Lauren laughs as the younger girl pins her to the bed and tickles her sides relentlessly. 

"Not until you admit it," Camila demands laughing along as she pinches at Lauren's waist and smiles at how in love with the green eyed girl she is.

"I'm not admitting it Camila get off!" Lauren squeals as the younger girl continues her torture, bucking up in attempt to dislodge the other girl who simply puts more weight down on Lauren before continuing.

Things like this have been happening a lot lately. 

"Just say you cheated and I'll stop," Camila says in between breaths as she continues to punish Lauren and Lauren continues to laugh the laugh that makes Camila's stomach feel like it's on fire and an ounce of gasoline away from blowing everything up. 

"Throwing a blue shell isn't cheating you asshole, it's just good strategy," Lauren argues and finally gets a grip on Camila's waist to flip the younger girl over and pin her hands to the bed beside her head.

The touchiness has always been a thing, but it's hit a peak lately and neither girl can tell if it's safe or not. 

"Oh right because normal people sabotage their best friends happiness like that," Camila pouts as she realizes she no longer has the upper hand and her argument isn't that good either.

(She knew it wasn't that good, she always knows that her touching is purely because being near Lauren makes her feel good, she just can't quite come to terms with that yet.)

Lauren giggles lightly at Camila's pout who just glares from below her and does a twist move with her hips in attempt to knock Lauren off but Lauren stops her by laying down against her to hold her in place.

The tension has gotten worse lately though. The sexual tension is crazy and they've been avoiding/ not at all avoiding moments like these as best as they could. 

Lauren looks down and makes eye contact with the girl who she's now somehow much closer to, and now the tension is too much for either to ignore. She's leaning in before she can stop herself, and next thing Lauren knows she's taking her best friends first kiss and relishing in the softest lips she's ever felt hesitantly moving back against hers. 

Fireworks. 

They don't talk about it. 

That should be the first sign that this isn't going to be as sweet as Lauren tastes, but Camila is can't find the will to care when Lauren pulls her more firmly against her and in for more.

(2014)

They have sex a lot. 

They never talk about anything. 

Camila tried one time but it didn't really work out. 

"So should we like... I don't know, tell anyone? Or like put any-"

"What would we tell who?" Lauren cuts her off and her eyes aren't angry, happy, and it kind of hurts Camila that she knows what's happening so easily. 

"I don't... I guess never mind then," she says and she tries not to sound bitter but the look Lauren sends her lets her know she failed.

"Sorry," Lauren smiles softly, grabbing Camila's hand. "I just... right now, in this industry, this is just nice to ourselves, you know? Can we just keep it simple for now?" she asks, and Camila's kind of totally smitten with her and finds herself nodding before she can stop herself to think over what Lauren really means. 

(Lauren presses a chaste kiss to her mouth that makes her think nodding wa sin fact a good idea.)   
-

"Fuck, Lo I'm so close," the younger girl moans out, hands fisted in dark hair as Lauren licks between her legs.

(This was one of the first times, not really, like the tenth but in proportion it's one of the first times.)

Lauren groans into her girl and pushes deeper, harder, tastes as much as she can until the other girl's hands tighten in her hair and she moans out an orgasm so strong it takes her several moments to come down.   

She was a virgin before Lauren. Everything feels so incredible with her. 

(She's afraid her expectations will be dangerously high when this is inevitably over but she really tries not to think about that.)

She doesn't know if Lauren is with other people still, but the pain she feels at the thought is nothing compared to the happiness she feels whens he gets to spend time alone with the older girl. 

They don't always fuck either, the sex started about a month after their first kiss, but sometimes they just cuddle up and watch movies, sometimes they kiss for what feels like hours with Lauren's favorite music playing in the background, sometimes they do puzzles or board games one time Lauren manages to sneak them out so they can go to a shady arcade. (They kind of get in a ton of trouble for that one but whatever). 

She's in deep with Lauren, so it's no surprise what happens in the midst of passion. 

"Fuck, fuck Lauren I love you," and that's the first time either of them has said it. 

Everything freezes. 

There's a lot of moments that people don't realize are important until after they happen. Good or bad, people often glance over the turning points in life. Camila doesn't in this one, she knows it's about to fuck up everything. 

So it's word vomit. She doesn't want to lose Lauren, she can't lose Lauren, and if it's anything to read on Lauren's face, it's that the other girl is terrified by what was just said. 

So Camila says something she'll regret saying for an eternity. 

"Fuck, sorry I didn't... that was just like, caught up in my emotions," she says, quickly, sliding up on the bed and pulling a sheet to cover herself from the green eyes that suddenly feel too knowing, suddenly feeling too exposed. 

Lauren pauses, her eyes, they're asking Camial to take it back and Camila can't explain for the life of her why she doesn't.

Lauren is begging her to take it back and she can't. She's scared and she doesn't and. 

"It's fine," Lauren says, voice cracking slightly as she moves to lie on the bed next to Camila, keeping space between them for the first time in months."Happens all the time."

They have sex a lot. (Camila cries more than she used to too, but that surely isn't something related to the Lauren situation. Lauren is good). 

(2015)

Camila thinks Michael Clifford is kind of cute. He doesn't send butterflies in her stomach, and he doesn't really know how to sweep a girl off her feet but he flirts with her a lot and he's kind of cute. 

He's sweet and Lauren is dating someone else, some boy, Camila doesn't pay attention to who anymore, so she thinks it's only fair she gets a boy to compliment her too. 

Lauren used to compliment her, before everything went to shit Lauren used to compliment her, but she doesn't anymore. 

"Fuck Lauren," Camila moans out, head slamming against the trailer door with every thrust of the older girls fingers inside of her. 

"You like that Camila? Like my fingers inside you, fucking you where anybody could walk in and see us?" Lauren husks against her neck and, "say it for me Camz, moan my name baby."  

She does. Obviously. Hate sex would probably be what they're having lately is called. Aggressive, rough, so so so good, fueled by anger. Today it was because Lauren saw Camila smiling at her phone. 

She thinks that's unfair, but as Lauren curls her fingers against a sensitive spot inside of her in a delicious way she can't find it in her to complain about Lauren's double standards.

"Say my name baby, nobody else is gonna get to fuck you like I do, right Camzi?" Lauren growls in her ear. She'd reply if she wasn't so caught up in wat Lauren's hand was doing. "Answer me when I talk to you Camila," Lauren commands and all Camila can do is let out a high pitched whine when the older girl slows her movements. "Don't then," she continues, frustratedly spinning Camila and slamming her (not too rough, never too rough) into the door and pushing two fingers back in from behind. 

Lauren likes it in this position, Camila's ass out and face away. She thinks it could be because Lauren is obsessed with playing with her ass, but she also thinks it's easier to have just sex when Lauren doesn't have to look into eyes that are so so in love with her. 

She's probably wrong though, it's probably just the ass thing. 

Lauren dates a lot of people but she always comes back to Camila. That's what doesn't make sense about it just being the ass thing. She's told Dinah and only Dinah, and although DInah isn't always the most trustworthy, she knows she can trust her with this by the way Dinah looks at her when she talks about it. 

She knows Dinah can see how heartbroken she's going to be when whatever this is ends. 

"Fuck! Lauren harder baby," Camila groans out, pushing her ass back to meet Lauren thrust for thrust and, it's so passionate with Lauren, so so passionate with her. 

Camila begs for it harder and Lauren makes her come so many times that she can't stand on her own two legs and the older girl has to carry her sweat limpy body to the back room so nobody can find them in a compromising position. 

Her relationship with Michael is revealed a week later and if she knew that was the last time, she wouldn't have pushed back so hard, she would've made Lauren look at her and she would've told her she meant it when she said she loved her and that she still means it. 

(2016)

Lauren is dating Lucy she thinks. 

She stopped coming around at night sometime around late January and Lauren is probably dating Lucy.  

Camila isn't dating anybody anymore and everything hurts. 

Music is helping her, but having an inspiration for such painful songs isn't really a great thing. She knows she's good at writing sad songs but she'd much rather go back to the happy, puppy love ones she was writing at sixteen. 

(2016)

She didn't know how broken she was until this point. Everything in her life had taken tolls on her. She'd been suffering the deepest depressive stage she's ever had, she's been ignoring everything and everyone and she can't talk to even her mother about ehr issues. 

She thinks she's still in love with Lauren Jauregui and Lauren isn't in love with her. She thinks everything would be better if only she was. 

She's lost her friendship with all of the girls, even Dinah now, because she's so fucking detached and they all love Lauren and they love her but they love Lauren so much and they don't know about everything that went down. They don't know how much of Camila's heart Lauren still holds and they don't know that it breaks more and more every day and she can't fucking take it. 

She tells them she wants to leave the band in early August. Things get twisted around a little bit but she tells them in early August. 

And for the most part the other girls understand. 

There are tears from Dinah, concern from Normani and Ally, but there's nothing from Lauren.

They all know how sad Camila is lately, and even if they don't know why they aren't going to argue with something they think is in her best interests. 

She's begging Lauren with her eyes to say something, anything but the other girl doesn't.

She goes months, begging Lauren with her eyes but all Lauren does is bring Lucy around more and pretend she never loved Camila in a way more than friends should. 

They're so civil that it feels like a punch to the gut and Camila can't handle it. 

It peaks after their last show. Camila is happy, but she's not and she needs Lauren. She's in love with her and she needs her to not let her go but the older girl doesn't even seem to care in the slightest that they'll never get to sing together, never get to look across the stage and see each other, never share a moment again. 

And that's how Camila finds herself at the older girl's hotel door. 

It takes ten minutes for her to lift a shaky hand and knock as strongly as she can, but when a sleepy Lauren answers the door and her eyebrows furrow in confusion, all the strength she had put up as a front is shattered away. 

"Tell me to stay Lauren," Camila yells at the girl who's looking at her with nothing in her eyes that can make Camila feel even a tiny bit better about anything. "Tell me anything, something that will make me stay and I will. Ask me to stay and I will stay Lauren, please just fucking-"

"No," Lauren interrupts her and then it's quiet enough that Camila is sure the sound of her heart breaking is audible to the other girl. The shattering is echoing in her ears and she finds it hard not to collapse onto the floor. 

"I can't give you a reason to stay, Camila," Lauren replies. "I can't... I have Lucy now, and I'm sorry but I can't be your reason to stay."

(She knew this was what Lauren was going to say. Whens he looks back on this she thinks maybe she just came because she ah to hear it from Lauren's mouth and not just from her mind. She doesn't know why else she could have possibly came here. It was obvious what Lauren was going to say). 

"This isn't... hasn't been healthy in a long time Camz, for either of us," Lauren continues and, Jesus, the use of the old nickname forces a choked sob out of Camila's mouth that almost has Lauren moving to comfort her. Almost. "If you think that us, me and you possibly working out, is all the hope left for you here, then I think you should go. I'm... we're going to miss you in the band but it isn't good for either of us anymore."

"We're older now. We were in love once, we were good for each other once, but we're not anymore..." Lauren trails off. "I'm... I'm not anymore, Camila." 

Camila knows what she means. She knows that Lauren knows, Lauren knows she's still in love with her but she's telling her that she isn't She's saying that it isn't the fame, or the press, or the PR it's just Camila. It's that Camila isn't enough for her anymore, maybe never was. 

"I can't be what you need me to be so you need to get yourself to a place that you can be what you need you to be, I have Lucy now and," Lauren continues and, if Camila weren't so devastated she would be thankful for Lauren thinking of her best interest, but instead al she can think about it Lucy. Lauren has Lucy now. "I'm sorry."

Camila gets the notification at exactly 12 am on December 19th and she rolls over in her bed. 

(2017)

Camila has sex with Lucy Vives on Valentine's Day two months later. 

"Fuck, Mila faster."

It's not sweet, like most Valentines sex is supposed to be. It's hard and fast and unforgiving.

"Right there, baby."

She's drunk. 

She doesn't know why she does it. They're both drunk at a party, Camila doesn't remember how they started talking or why they started talking but they did. 

Camila doesn't know who Lauren Jauregui is anymore. 

Things were going good since she left Fifth Harmony. Well... that's half true. They were going okay. Not terrible but they were going pretty bad. 

She'd left because she knew it was what was healthy. She couldn't be stuck there anymore being reminded of everything she's lost, but she kind of thought it would be easier than it ended up being. 

A broken heart takes time and she knew that, but everything that was piled on made it harder to deal with. 

It as good songwriting material. Her hands felt like they were bleeding and tired all the time and the calluses were unforgiving, but hell, her songs were amazing, and that's not an easy thing for someone so insecure to say. 

"Fuck Mila your hands feel so good." 

She read that Lauren cheated on Lucy and she didn't believe it at first. Lauren was Lauren. She wouldn't do that. Lauren was in love with Lucy. She had chosen Lucy over her, she had thrown away years of love and building and some sort of trust and everything they had to be with Lucy, so surely, she wouldn't throw Lucy away too. 

Or at least that's what Camila thought. 

Lucy telling her it was true made it hard to deny though. 

They're drunk enough that Lucy tells her that within ten minutes of talking,but once the fresh wound so similar to both of them is brought up, the drinking increases in ten fold and it's no surprise when they end the night in bed together. 

"Your turn, I can't wait to taste you baby, you smell so good."

It's hard to face, that what meant everything and then some to Camila meant so little to Lauren. She tells Lucy that, how Lauren was her whole universe but to Lauren, Camila was just Pluto. Sometimes worthy of being called a planet, sometimes just a stupid floating rock. 

She was never sure what her status was with Lauren and it hurt to finally know that it was the lowest of all options she'd had. Did Lauren just forget everything that they could have been? Everything Camila genuinely thought they were meant to be? 

The girl who made her believe that soulmates could exist thought of her as nothing more than a stepping stone n her path to finding her own. 

It hurts. It's one thing to get your heart broken, but getting your self esteem entirely crushed along with it, that hurts a whole fucking lot and makes every side effect go up in ten fold. 

So sex with Lucy is nice. They both need it, that much is clear. And it's weird in some twisted, comforting way, having sex with someone to get over someone who they're also trying to get over. 

Lucy gets it. She gets her. 

It helps for a while too. Lucy becomes a somewhat permanent fixture in her life for the next few months. Not as anything more than a friend. When they wake up together in Camila's hotel room things are kind of awkward, but mainly they're glad they have someone who understands almost entirely what they're going through and use some sober time to rant, get feelings out in the air. 

Talking to someone other than her mom or Ashlee is good too. After a month or two of being friends with Lucy she finds it easier to smile carelessly again and part of her is grateful that Lauren broke both of their hearts and not just hers. 

(Mostly she wants to punch the girl [kiss the girl] in her dumb face for adding so much to the pile. If it wasn't so deep she wouldn't need another person to help pull her out). 

(2017)

Havana is number one on the charts, Matthew is sweet and charming and PR but sweet and enough for now, and Camila is a little bit (a lot, kind of) better now. 

(2018)

Camila's always loved rain storms.

She doesn't necessarily feel like that's a unique thing to feel, most people love them, but she has an overwhelming love for the crackling of thunder and the sparkling lightning that fills the sky on spring nights after a day of nothing but bright sun for miles and miles. 

That's how she finds herself on a terrace at an after party. IT has a cozy hooded area that shields her from the large splashes coming down, but she can still feel some of the rain and she still has a clear view of the magic, so it's perfect.

Not to mention things were getting too hot in there. She came with Matthew. 

Things are still new with him. New and very much set up for some sort of publicity, but he's sweet and she's willing to give it a try since it only seems beneficial. IT's been a few months and she doesn't necessarily feel that she can fall in love with the man but maybe that's better. 

Camila thinks maybe you're only meant to have a few strong loves in life. Maybe you aren't meant to end up with somebody who you love so fiercely so that there's less hurt to put on the line. Spending the rest of your life with someone you just like should be far beyond enough. Sure, it would be a pleasure to spend more time with someone who laughs at all of her jokes and sends a spiral of zoo animals through her with every touch, but Matthew makes her kind of happy so why not? 

It's better to be kind of happy than to be not very happy at all. 

(She never lets herself think about how happy she once was. That type of happiness only exists in certain, passionate relationships that burn too bright and too quick. It can't ever be captured so why dwell?)

So she lets herself be kind of happy. But sometimes it's suffocating. Introducing Matthew as her boyfriend is new and overwhelming and she never liked parties anyways so it isn't surprising that she finds herself outside looking at the night sky, thinking about how important that particular strike of lightning might be. 

"There's so much space," a voice starts to speak from behind her and everything she's ever felt is being thrown at her and it feels like a cinder block slapping her in the face. "There's just... There's so much fucking space filled with more space."

"It's beautiful," Lauren finished after a moment, even with Camila now and eyes trained on her instead of the sky that Camila can't look away from. 

They haven't seen each other in almost two years. For almost two years Camila hasn't heard that raspy voice in person, hasn't been hit with the smell that's so intoxicating and so Lauren. 

(She's still in love with her.)

"Why are you here, Lauren?" she asks finally, turning and making eye contact as strongly as she can (not very) and willing her voice not to shake, searching for something in her green eyes. 

For a moment Lauren doesn't say anything, looking as if the breath has been knocked out of her at the eye contact that Camila offered. She takes her in and she breathes slowly and Camila doesn't know if she's ready to hear the answer but when Lauren opens her mouth to speak she can't not listen. 

"I'm sorry," Lauren starts, eyes now glued to Camila's instead of the window. She stops talking, looks deep in thought for a moment but continues before Camila can press. "I'm just... I'm so fucking sorry."

"I'm sorry that I couldn't figure out how to love you. I'm sorry that somebody else could and that I couldn't," she speaks and her eyes have always been what told Camila everything and anything she needed to know, and right now is no different as burning green eyes stare into hers with a type of vulnerability she's never seen. 

"I'm sorry that I blamed you," she starts again and quickly corrects herself at Camila's questioning look. "No, not... not to other people," and Camila lets out a sigh of relief, "I just told them that things just didn't work out. I blamed you in my own head though, even though I knew it was a lie. I told myself you were just... too much. Too much for anyone to warrant you loving them back. I told myself that it was simply that you were too good for anyone, that I would never earn you in the way that you'd had me from the start."

"You were like a piece of something so, so, rare and so, so, perfect that I told myself I just wasn't worthy of getting to have you..." she trails off, eyes leaving Camila's for a moment somewhere in there but snapping back up after gazing off, clearly trying to convey as much with he eyes as she was with her words. 

She stops talking for a moment and Camila takes in how much is being shown here. She's never seen Lauren work so hard to find the right thing to say. That's how she'd ended up so hurt in so many of there arguments or even not arguments. Lauren would say things that she didn't necessarily mean, but they would hurt. Camila appreciates how deep in though, how focused on what comes next the older girl is. 

"It's just that... it's that my hands were bleeding," she finally settles on. "My hands were red and raw and bleeding and my arms were so tired that I felt like they were going to fucking fall off but I had to... I just kept digging for something, anything that would make you love me back. Something to make you care about me in the way I needed you to and I just kept coming up with handfuls of dirt and it was starting to hurt, Camila it hurt me so bad and I know I hurt you in the end but I was hurting myself and I'm sorry." 

Camila's never been very good at maintaining eye contact, but she couldn't look away now if she tried. 

"I gave up and I'm so fucking sorry that I gave up on loving you," and it's sad. It feels like the ending to their story the way that Lauren is saying this. It should be, Camila knows that much, but it's sad to think that it actually might be. 

"I know you're happy now... I know that and I don't want to ruin it for you

"I just need you to know that if I could give anything, anything at all to back I would. If I could tell myself that my hands would heal, that they'd be fine and we'd be fine and that the dirt would turn into pure gold, I would give anything to change what I did," Lauren finally concludes and her eyes are shining but not giving in because if she lets her tears fall she won't have a clear sight of what could be her last time getting to look into her favorite brown eyes. "I didn't realize that all I was doing was leaving a gaping hole that couldn't be filled and I'm so, so sorry I did that to you." 

It's everything Camila's ever wanted Lauren to say to her. She's waited years and years and years, she's pitied her past self for thinking it was even possible but sure enough, here Lauren is telling her everything she could've dreamed she would tell her. 

It's the reason Camila has never been able to have more than a crush on anybody else. She was still held captive by everything that Lauren is and this has only proved that ten thousand times more but she's so late. She's too late. 

"Why now?" Camila says, eyes pleading and filled with tears she refuses to let fall. "Why are you doing this now?" 

If Lauren's being entirely honest she doesn't know. She does in a way actually, but she doesn't understand how it's taken her so long to come to this point. How she never caved earlier. How she's went so so very long without looking into these eyes and saying something to bring so much emotion to the brim. She missed it. 

"There's just so much space," she starts finally. "There's so much space everywhere, so much of it. So many people and things and places and I can't keep my mind off of you. In all of this space you're still all that I can think about."

Camila doesn't reply right away. 

It's everything she's ever wanted to hear and she doesn't reply right away. 

It's a lot to take in. It's too much to take in and she feels like she needs to sit down and

"I think about you all the time too."

It comes out barely a breath above a whisper but the way Lauren's breath catches in the back of her throat makes Camila know she's been heard and makes having said it worth everything she's ever had to give. 

It's not too late.


End file.
